I Feel Pains Going…..🙄😁😭

 

Processed with VSCO with b5 presetTonight I’m feeling nostalgic and emotional. This whole week has been pretty hectic with our church’s anniversary on Friday and Sunday service was touching. I  heard the Lord speak to me this whole week in various ways. Who knew that having the leadership of youth was going to be so hard. I thought I had it all figured out; I never thought that I had gotten myself so comfortable; that at the first sign the enemy was going to attack my life emotionally and spiritually. Back in the day when God called me to be a youth leader I obeyed to his will but it came to be a hard thing for me to handle. During that time I was dealing with my mother’s health problem, with raising Zahid and my own depression; I just quit the leadership because I couldn’t see the end of that hole that I felt like I was in.

Move forward 4 years later I’m in a different church that the Lord move me to ; two years ago. And he again called me to be a youth leader. And let me tell you I did not want this leadership, I had been just starting to feel the ground under my feet in my spiritual life. But I again obeyed because the Lord pleases more on obedience than sacrifice( 1. Samuel 15:22 ). I feel like I’m more mature spiritually and mentally since the last time I was called but the test and trials are still the same or sometimes even worse. No one told me this was going to be hard; no one told me that it would feel like my spiritual life would feel like it was draining. 

IMG_0166

This is me at times. Lord help me!

But in the midst of everything I know God will call me out when I’m in despair and with wanting to QUIT. I always wonder to myself and I ask God in my head( I know right pretty weird for a lot of people but for me it’s second nature😂 I’m pretty crazy sometimes; my bestie would say all the time. Hi Anderson😭) why he gave me this huge responsibility when I’m not kidding you guys; I’m the most anti-social and not so much modern person for the teens in my church. Sometimes I feel as if my mentality is of an old lady. I’m not joking and not much of a person that goes out, or likes to play video games and stuff like that. I’m more the typical person that is always seating in the first row of the church and talking with elders at the end of service.  Maybe I grew up to fast in my teens; I mean I pretty much had different responsibilities than the youth nowadays.

But let’s get back to the subject I was feeling pretty down since a couple of weeks; but the Lord kinda gave me a whooping (spiritually) because in my heart I did not have the desire to continue with the leadership but he pretty much  called me a ” COWARD” and to not let go of what he had given me in two days.  If that’s not a whooping I don’t know what it is then. That picture was me by the end of Sunday 👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼😂service I felt that reprimand to the depth of my soul. Sometimes I wonder to my self where would I be or where would all humanity be if Jesus had at the end back out from taking the step of becoming the sacrifice we needed to have salvation. And it shames me deeply that we having what he did not are still so coward in our way of walking with the Lord.IMG_0167

I feel to the depths of my souls that the reason Jesus hasn’t rapture the church is because his children are not in one accord. We are like a toddler trying to get into the ocean; they take a step into the sea 🌊 and then they run screaming the other way. And that’s what we do. We dip our feet in a relationship with God but when things become difficult we are like ” let me back up a moment”, ” why is it so hard?” Or my favorite ” nah I don’t want it anymore let me go back to what I think I’m missing.” Goodness we are such an ungrateful race that even though he gave his life on the cross we still doubt him. I know that when things don’t go how I was expecting me I do. 

2 Peter 3:8

” But, beloved, do not forget this one thing, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day”

Sometimes I imagine myself at the wedding of the lamb and I bet it’s going to be so beautiful 😍 and in that moment I’m going to say it was worth every tears , sadness, anger, prayer,joy and every compassion and love to be here in this moment. Yesterday I was present at one of my aunt’s wedding and it was beautiful. It was a simple ceremony with just family and my pastor’s family it was a spurred of the moment kind of thing.  And it reminded me of that phrase that they say that in a blink of an eye the coming of the Lord will be. I can’t imagine myself not prepared. Why is this so hard but at the same time so BEAUTIFUL.💜

P.S. I forgot to tell you I caught the bouquet yesterday at the ceremony. It has become a tradition last year my aunt caught it from another aunt that got married and now me. Oh well that means I need to get ready for that big wedding… in the heavens 😂😭 I’m still to young to get married👀😭 bye Felicia.

Remeber to like, comment and share; let’s spread the word of his mercy and Love. God bless you all. Love you guys❤️

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